sketch of a marriage

The following was first written in February 2004. Hard to imagine it took me so long...

With you, I was longing for that sincere, unwavering union
the envied kind
that people think they see in us
eternal, like the Methuselah tree
A light of love that brings radiance
to a past of
muted colors and bleeding rawness

I longed for something of gravity
densely sacrosanct, stirring in subtle but
palpable hints of esteem, like in
old married couples who still hold hands
One that is safe and tender
One that doesn’t injure
or breathe insult
or deem incessant, recurrent apology
or provoke my fancy for flight

This must exist somewhere beyond my
Imagination.
Somewhere outside our circle of
ambiguity and turmoil
Could I be laudable of
moments that live inside the mind?
Serenity, light, harmony
worthy of time-capsule jewels
trillions of hourglass calm
in real time, for a lifetime
or is it just beyond my horizon?

-- JR February 7, 2004

grateful working girl

Today I am feeling grateful and light. After talking to friends last night, one of which who lost her job, I just feel fortunate and lucky to have a good work situation. It wasn't always like that and I do understand the feeling of being laid off and the pressure of having to find something new -- and that happened to me as a single parent.

I say a little prayer for my friends who are looking for jobs and I hope for them not just a new job but a better one!

I got news...you never got to go old

Although I am under the weather this week with a cold, I am getting more and more excited for the HOT summer and what music it will bring. Summerfest is on my brain and plenty of other outdoor shows.

After jammin out to the classic "Stranglehold" I just learned yesterday that Ted Nugent is headlining at Waukesha County Fair this year and I think I'm going to have to see him. Rock bluesy guitar like that is getting more rare and precious. Yes, I am still the rocker girl and probably always will be.

He shows up again

Hey music lovers - I am so stoked!

A very cool friend has brought it to my attention that there is a brand new CD out of previously unreleased studio work by Jimi Hendrix, called Valleys of Neptune. It features 12 studio recordings totaling over 60 minutes of unheard Jimi Hendrix.

According to its description, 10 of these recordings were made between February and May, 1969, as the Jimi Hendrix Experience set out to create the sequel to their groundbreaking 1968 double-album Electric Ladyland. The album features “Valleys Of Neptune,” one of the most sought after of all of Hendrix’s commercially unavailable recordings, and includes exciting 1969 arrangements of the classic signature songs “Red House,” “Fire,” and “Stone Free.”

It also includes unheard studio versions of Hendrix’s inspired interpretations of “Bleeding Heart” (Elmore James) and Cream’s “Sunshine Of Your Love.”

It seems that Hendrix often comes to the foreground of my days and nights when my life is in cool transition - and this instance is no exception.

Check it out
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/valleys-of-neptune/id353361184

Student of life lecturing herself

As I learn lessons of the heart in this life, one thing always rings loud and true to me: Life is short. Unfortunately, I am finding that out more and more as beautiful people I know and love are facing things that challenge their existence on this earth. I write this with tears in my eyes.

Since life is short and finite, we must: do the things that make us happy, let our hearts sing and feel the way they want to (free of guilt), take hate and anger out of our lives and vocabulary, tell the people we love how we feel about them (you don't know if you will see them again) and always try to be our authentic selves.

Note to self: I will keep reminding myself to do these things and to keep the tears at bay.

and more discoveries at daybreak

Sometimes one must lose things and feel lost to discover new pieces of themselves. And sometimes, it's rediscovery - kinda like the experience of finding favorite pieces of candy in your pocket you had forgotten about.

Night time discoveries

Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks" painted in 1942.

“Sometimes I get this Whitmanesque vision of America. But instead of wheat fields and mighty cities and deep lakes stretching from sea to sea, I imagine a vast number of coffee shops. And in these coffee shops, urgent conversations are taking place. Here’s Mickey Rourke in Baltimore, talking Kevin Bacon in “Diner.” And Quentin Tarantino, on Santa Monica Boulevard, writing down ideas for “Pulp Fiction.” And Andy Garcia, in Denver, rehearsing for “Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead.” And Pacino and De Niro, out near the LA airport, acting in their first scene together in “Heat.”

The new American frontier is the all-night diner, with Formica tops and ketchup and sugar on every table, and a waitress who writes down your order on a green and white Guest Check. And in these coffee shops, which reach out like an endless progression of stops on the highway to fame, there are countless young men…” – Roger Ebert, adapted from his 1996 review of Swingers.

Sometime in March

You,
with
a voice like no other
deep eyes bravely
fronting the throes
windows - like mirror
and those copious distractions
the flood of disruptions
to your dreaming tree
that which never drown
the pesky roots properly
while in the perpetual waiting
alone and caught in the
loudness crowd,
to me,
stand out.

Altering the state of mind

Today brings sunshine to my kitchen - the kind that I don't ever take for granted.

Rich coffee, warm buttered toast, sweet strawberries, and apple muffins for my kids in the oven. Life is good. I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. I have love all around me.

Yes, I could reflect on the fact that someone I used to know didn't recognize my birthday -- remaining quiet and aloof, which is so telling. Yes I could ponder all of the obstacles I face and the chagrins that baffle and sting. But no, not today and not tomorrow either. I shake off the notions of confusion and rise above the discontent.

This life is an adventure and I feel alive with emotion.

Besides my least favorite job of lawn work, I will have lunch with someone, then get on my bike today, take some photos and feel the wind on my face and sun in my hair. And the night...hmmm who knows what will present itself. I like just wondering about it. On my way, I will keep my eyes and mind wide open.