Finding light

The fog is lifting and I am beginning to see through to the beauty and light to which I was blinded

For the love of trees

Did I mention I love trees?

What is love?

I've enjoyed the film, "Paper Heart"   regarding the subject of love -- finding it, falling into it, being in it, staying in it, going after it, missing it and really knowing it's the real thing. It is a subject that has left me entirely nonplussed  and begging the question of what is the true, real kind? And do I really believe in it or am I just conditioned socially to think it really exists? By the many interviewed in this film, it sounds like many do.

must have backbone

This caught my attention and I am trying to live by it.

"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

- Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of "Eat, Pray, Love"

Inspiration

Finally! The inspiration is here! I'm feeling hopeful, alive and UP! Many adventures await!

It's official. I want to meet Jack White.

Five Leaves Left

I heard the haunting voice of Nick Drake today singing with his guitar over the speakers in a Cafe while I started to write a screenplay.

my gypsy heart

Took a drive in the dirty rain
To a place where the wind calls your name

Going on a date

Paying my dues

It seems to happen often during this season -- car issues, expensive repairs, etc. Last year I certainly paid my dues. Sure enough, this week my furnace breaks and I get a flat tire on my car and have discovered my car is going through oil too. Sometimes being a grown up, especially one who is completely on her own in the middle of winter, sucks ass.

But I am the independent woman in my life who can handle it and take on anything so universe, have some more challenges for me? BRING IT. I will rise above.

If I could, you know I would

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free

frost on my windows but a warm heart inside

It's probably about time for this girl to write a gratitude list. Oh, and to get into the Christmas spirit. Yeah...true that. I'd be OK without a white Christmas though seeing as how I have to shovel or snow blow. Yuck.

You played it to the beat

Great new song! Definitely a chick tune.

We could have had it all...
Rolling in the Deep
Your had my heart...Inside of your hand
And you played it...to the beat (Rolling in the deep)

Not your flower

Must quote something I heard recently: "If you're not prepared to risk the thorn, then you don't deserve the rose."

the rose of the day

it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.

ee cummings

"Happiness is the longing for repetition."
— Milan Kundera

Poem for a fall day

Lincoln Park ménage,
legends like these leaving
laceration on my sentiment
like a lucid lover.

Confines of a bus window cannot
steal away this presence on the brain.
Intimacy resided here,
leaving traces of brilliant affect.

Stately porches among climbing oaks
and sugar maple, wrap my ethos
like a tenderly knitted shawl. Leaves,

like dancing suede-like vestiges,
golden cinnamon, butterscotch topaz,
glowing copper ruby,
croon in high-pitched song along frigid sidewalks.

Grazing the earth like bohemians, they carry
onwards to numerous rows of old white houses
and brownstones. Angry wind

scours the crumbling pavement as
sunlight fades to amber lamps.
Dwelling now in my own deeply felt history and
coming of age, the backpack is
heavy as I journey toward
the brighter truth.
Veracity: I embrace you,
as one holds a fresh day in their heart.

Pillow thoughts

Love is a dream that keeps waking me in the indigo twilight, nudging me to strive for the real thing. It kisses the side of my face and whispers that it really exists in a world of excess and deceit. The possibilities are leading me to an auspicious morning sun.

Simple things you wanted to know

I watch the sun,
as it touches you while you sleep
You gave me something,
that I wanted to keep

I see you smile like a little child
And hold you crying when it all goes wild

Oh
We could feel this way forever

-Moby

Love is a friendship set to music.
- Joseph Campbell

Letting go of worry

45% of things that people worry about, never happen

To let it go and finally relax, I have to say: I know not what things may come my way, but I will change it where I can and accept it where I can't.

Great movie line

video clip from Julie and Julia

To be the butter to one's bread and the breath of one's life (line from the movie Julie and Julia)...if only to be that lucky one day

New tune by Arcade Fire

Ready to start

Businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
And I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared, I would
And if I was bored, you know I would
And if I was yours, but I'm not ...

...I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start

Summer sunset - Nagawicka

Wet roads in the streetlights

The rain and the lightening cause my mind to build roads that lead to my creative, storytelling self and tomorrow I arrive...once again.

I open the door, bearing gifts of spirits and sustenance.

Why

We love because it's the only true adventure

--Nikki Giovanni

Real or only in fairytales?

It's storming tonight and I am reminded of a story that took place in Spain. Once upon a time - boy meets girl, boy woos girl with charisma, charm and kindness. They steal kisses when no one is looking and they get caught in the rain in a seaside town. They get caught up, period. Their room overlooks the sea and there in the blue-white light of lightening, they find paradise only within eachother's universe.

I can concoct such a story in my mind and on paper -- but, could it ever be real? Does it really truly exist?

Dreaming of getting away

Hugging a lost soul

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I find it fun and interesting to read the posts on grouphug.us

These people are confessing their thoughts anonymously online. The idea is to give these sad people an online hug somehow.

I suppose I am feeding that inquisitive writer in me with reading them. I have a natural curiosity when it comes to matters of the heart and the human condition.

Tonight I read this one: Im fine with being alone, im not fine without you.
I need you, I love you, I want you to come for me.
please

and I seriously wanted to give the person a hug

Morning music drive into work today

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy
living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

For you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B5tBJXT_c8

The truest of loves is between parent and child.

acceptance and vulnerability

I'm learning about people. The blinders are off and I can see their inner strength and level of commitment to themselves, others and me. Some are really there. Some are not. Speaking of strength, I wonder what it will be like for me to relinquish a little for love. I think about when I meet that special person one day with whom I can be truly vulnerable. I wonder and contemplate how marvelous it will feel.

Smelling the fresh green space

Today I spent time in the plush greenery of an urban ecology center near a rushing river, pulling mustard plants and taking in the serenity. As the rain began to fall and thunder roared above me, I appreciated the timing of this day with the monumental change about to take place in my life. Pulling the weeds makes room for new growth, new beauty, or simply creates open space to breathe easier. And I thought, "these little moments have such amazing timing."

I want to be

There was a dark shadow
hanging over me
an ominous atmosphere
like noir during a full moon eclipse
dark, bold, urgent
but it's clearing and
blue sky is on the horizon
I am letting in your light
creative dream wish with
soft voice
the one that says I am enough, special
the one that some how says
everything
will be all right

cold cold water...bring me round (Strawberry Swing, Coldplay)