If I could, you know I would

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free

frost on my windows but a warm heart inside

It's probably about time for this girl to write a gratitude list. Oh, and to get into the Christmas spirit. Yeah...true that. I'd be OK without a white Christmas though seeing as how I have to shovel or snow blow. Yuck.

You played it to the beat

Great new song! Definitely a chick tune.

We could have had it all...
Rolling in the Deep
Your had my heart...Inside of your hand
And you played it...to the beat (Rolling in the deep)

Not your flower

Must quote something I heard recently: "If you're not prepared to risk the thorn, then you don't deserve the rose."

the rose of the day

it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.

ee cummings

"Happiness is the longing for repetition."
— Milan Kundera

Poem for a fall day

Lincoln Park ménage,
legends like these leaving
laceration on my sentiment
like a lucid lover.

Confines of a bus window cannot
steal away this presence on the brain.
Intimacy resided here,
leaving traces of brilliant affect.

Stately porches among climbing oaks
and sugar maple, wrap my ethos
like a tenderly knitted shawl. Leaves,

like dancing suede-like vestiges,
golden cinnamon, butterscotch topaz,
glowing copper ruby,
croon in high-pitched song along frigid sidewalks.

Grazing the earth like bohemians, they carry
onwards to numerous rows of old white houses
and brownstones. Angry wind

scours the crumbling pavement as
sunlight fades to amber lamps.
Dwelling now in my own deeply felt history and
coming of age, the backpack is
heavy as I journey toward
the brighter truth.
Veracity: I embrace you,
as one holds a fresh day in their heart.

Pillow thoughts

Love is a dream that keeps waking me in the indigo twilight, nudging me to strive for the real thing. It kisses the side of my face and whispers that it really exists in a world of excess and deceit. The possibilities are leading me to an auspicious morning sun.

Simple things you wanted to know

I watch the sun,
as it touches you while you sleep
You gave me something,
that I wanted to keep

I see you smile like a little child
And hold you crying when it all goes wild

Oh
We could feel this way forever

-Moby

Love is a friendship set to music.
- Joseph Campbell

Letting go of worry

45% of things that people worry about, never happen

To let it go and finally relax, I have to say: I know not what things may come my way, but I will change it where I can and accept it where I can't.

Great movie line

video clip from Julie and Julia

To be the butter to one's bread and the breath of one's life (line from the movie Julie and Julia)...if only to be that lucky one day

New tune by Arcade Fire

Ready to start

Businessmen drink my blood
Like the kids in art school said they would
And I guess I'll just begin again
You say can we still be friends

If I was scared, I would
And if I was bored, you know I would
And if I was yours, but I'm not ...

...I would rather be wrong
Than live in the shadows of your song
My mind is open wide
And now I'm ready to start

Summer sunset - Nagawicka

Wet roads in the streetlights

The rain and the lightening cause my mind to build roads that lead to my creative, storytelling self and tomorrow I arrive...once again.

I open the door, bearing gifts of spirits and sustenance.

Why

We love because it's the only true adventure

--Nikki Giovanni

Real or only in fairytales?

It's storming tonight and I am reminded of a story that took place in Spain. Once upon a time - boy meets girl, boy woos girl with charisma, charm and kindness. They steal kisses when no one is looking and they get caught in the rain in a seaside town. They get caught up, period. Their room overlooks the sea and there in the blue-white light of lightening, they find paradise only within eachother's universe.

I can concoct such a story in my mind and on paper -- but, could it ever be real? Does it really truly exist?

Dreaming of getting away

Hugging a lost soul

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I find it fun and interesting to read the posts on grouphug.us

These people are confessing their thoughts anonymously online. The idea is to give these sad people an online hug somehow.

I suppose I am feeding that inquisitive writer in me with reading them. I have a natural curiosity when it comes to matters of the heart and the human condition.

Tonight I read this one: Im fine with being alone, im not fine without you.
I need you, I love you, I want you to come for me.
please

and I seriously wanted to give the person a hug

Morning music drive into work today

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy
living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

For you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B5tBJXT_c8

The truest of loves is between parent and child.

acceptance and vulnerability

I'm learning about people. The blinders are off and I can see their inner strength and level of commitment to themselves, others and me. Some are really there. Some are not. Speaking of strength, I wonder what it will be like for me to relinquish a little for love. I think about when I meet that special person one day with whom I can be truly vulnerable. I wonder and contemplate how marvelous it will feel.

Smelling the fresh green space

Today I spent time in the plush greenery of an urban ecology center near a rushing river, pulling mustard plants and taking in the serenity. As the rain began to fall and thunder roared above me, I appreciated the timing of this day with the monumental change about to take place in my life. Pulling the weeds makes room for new growth, new beauty, or simply creates open space to breathe easier. And I thought, "these little moments have such amazing timing."

I want to be

There was a dark shadow
hanging over me
an ominous atmosphere
like noir during a full moon eclipse
dark, bold, urgent
but it's clearing and
blue sky is on the horizon
I am letting in your light
creative dream wish with
soft voice
the one that says I am enough, special
the one that some how says
everything
will be all right

cold cold water...bring me round (Strawberry Swing, Coldplay)

craving to dance

Mmmm this song makes me want to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkJQ3m6uilc

Click on the link above, just be sure to pause my music player on this blog first!

sketch of a marriage

The following was first written in February 2004. Hard to imagine it took me so long...

With you, I was longing for that sincere, unwavering union
the envied kind
that people think they see in us
eternal, like the Methuselah tree
A light of love that brings radiance
to a past of
muted colors and bleeding rawness

I longed for something of gravity
densely sacrosanct, stirring in subtle but
palpable hints of esteem, like in
old married couples who still hold hands
One that is safe and tender
One that doesn’t injure
or breathe insult
or deem incessant, recurrent apology
or provoke my fancy for flight

This must exist somewhere beyond my
Imagination.
Somewhere outside our circle of
ambiguity and turmoil
Could I be laudable of
moments that live inside the mind?
Serenity, light, harmony
worthy of time-capsule jewels
trillions of hourglass calm
in real time, for a lifetime
or is it just beyond my horizon?

-- JR February 7, 2004

grateful working girl

Today I am feeling grateful and light. After talking to friends last night, one of which who lost her job, I just feel fortunate and lucky to have a good work situation. It wasn't always like that and I do understand the feeling of being laid off and the pressure of having to find something new -- and that happened to me as a single parent.

I say a little prayer for my friends who are looking for jobs and I hope for them not just a new job but a better one!

I got news...you never got to go old

Although I am under the weather this week with a cold, I am getting more and more excited for the HOT summer and what music it will bring. Summerfest is on my brain and plenty of other outdoor shows.

After jammin out to the classic "Stranglehold" I just learned yesterday that Ted Nugent is headlining at Waukesha County Fair this year and I think I'm going to have to see him. Rock bluesy guitar like that is getting more rare and precious. Yes, I am still the rocker girl and probably always will be.

He shows up again

Hey music lovers - I am so stoked!

A very cool friend has brought it to my attention that there is a brand new CD out of previously unreleased studio work by Jimi Hendrix, called Valleys of Neptune. It features 12 studio recordings totaling over 60 minutes of unheard Jimi Hendrix.

According to its description, 10 of these recordings were made between February and May, 1969, as the Jimi Hendrix Experience set out to create the sequel to their groundbreaking 1968 double-album Electric Ladyland. The album features “Valleys Of Neptune,” one of the most sought after of all of Hendrix’s commercially unavailable recordings, and includes exciting 1969 arrangements of the classic signature songs “Red House,” “Fire,” and “Stone Free.”

It also includes unheard studio versions of Hendrix’s inspired interpretations of “Bleeding Heart” (Elmore James) and Cream’s “Sunshine Of Your Love.”

It seems that Hendrix often comes to the foreground of my days and nights when my life is in cool transition - and this instance is no exception.

Check it out
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/valleys-of-neptune/id353361184

Student of life lecturing herself

As I learn lessons of the heart in this life, one thing always rings loud and true to me: Life is short. Unfortunately, I am finding that out more and more as beautiful people I know and love are facing things that challenge their existence on this earth. I write this with tears in my eyes.

Since life is short and finite, we must: do the things that make us happy, let our hearts sing and feel the way they want to (free of guilt), take hate and anger out of our lives and vocabulary, tell the people we love how we feel about them (you don't know if you will see them again) and always try to be our authentic selves.

Note to self: I will keep reminding myself to do these things and to keep the tears at bay.

and more discoveries at daybreak

Sometimes one must lose things and feel lost to discover new pieces of themselves. And sometimes, it's rediscovery - kinda like the experience of finding favorite pieces of candy in your pocket you had forgotten about.

Night time discoveries

Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks" painted in 1942.

“Sometimes I get this Whitmanesque vision of America. But instead of wheat fields and mighty cities and deep lakes stretching from sea to sea, I imagine a vast number of coffee shops. And in these coffee shops, urgent conversations are taking place. Here’s Mickey Rourke in Baltimore, talking Kevin Bacon in “Diner.” And Quentin Tarantino, on Santa Monica Boulevard, writing down ideas for “Pulp Fiction.” And Andy Garcia, in Denver, rehearsing for “Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead.” And Pacino and De Niro, out near the LA airport, acting in their first scene together in “Heat.”

The new American frontier is the all-night diner, with Formica tops and ketchup and sugar on every table, and a waitress who writes down your order on a green and white Guest Check. And in these coffee shops, which reach out like an endless progression of stops on the highway to fame, there are countless young men…” – Roger Ebert, adapted from his 1996 review of Swingers.

Sometime in March

You,
with
a voice like no other
deep eyes bravely
fronting the throes
windows - like mirror
and those copious distractions
the flood of disruptions
to your dreaming tree
that which never drown
the pesky roots properly
while in the perpetual waiting
alone and caught in the
loudness crowd,
to me,
stand out.

Altering the state of mind

Today brings sunshine to my kitchen - the kind that I don't ever take for granted.

Rich coffee, warm buttered toast, sweet strawberries, and apple muffins for my kids in the oven. Life is good. I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. I have love all around me.

Yes, I could reflect on the fact that someone I used to know didn't recognize my birthday -- remaining quiet and aloof, which is so telling. Yes I could ponder all of the obstacles I face and the chagrins that baffle and sting. But no, not today and not tomorrow either. I shake off the notions of confusion and rise above the discontent.

This life is an adventure and I feel alive with emotion.

Besides my least favorite job of lawn work, I will have lunch with someone, then get on my bike today, take some photos and feel the wind on my face and sun in my hair. And the night...hmmm who knows what will present itself. I like just wondering about it. On my way, I will keep my eyes and mind wide open.